i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
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Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
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Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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