You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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