i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
