Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.