We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
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I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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