hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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