just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
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so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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