Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?

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  (412): Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline? http://tfl.nu/g8m6
  Replies (45) Good night (1516) Bad night (547)
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  (909): View more from California

  I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.

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  (909): I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part. http://tfl.nu/wibn
  Replies (14) Good night (4597) Bad night (616)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes

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  (603): my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes http://tfl.nu/2y76
  Replies (14) Good night (679) Bad night (3282)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?

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  (863): she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know? http://tfl.nu/bmzo
  Replies (6) Good night (784) Bad night (4443)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...

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  (734): im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend... http://tfl.nu/gkjq
  Replies (60) Good night (2602) Bad night (6354)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich

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  (717): Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich http://tfl.nu/kdwm
  Replies (5) Good night (768) Bad night (2351)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.

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  (719): it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using. http://tfl.nu/4is0
  Replies (6) Good night (1221) Bad night (3128)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed

  (425): View more from Washington

  Yeah, that sounds like my life.

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  (971): I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed (425): Yeah, that sounds like my life. http://tfl.nu/4i94
  Replies (5) Good night (2178) Bad night (709)
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  (347): View more from New York

  i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.

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  (347): i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men. http://tfl.nu/ujar
  Replies (3) Good night (1179) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.

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  (770): There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese. (404): My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe. http://tfl.nu/muox
  Replies (15) Good night (2890) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  eyebrows regrow, your balls dont

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  (215): if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise. (609): eyebrows regrow, your balls dont http://tfl.nu/311u
  Replies (6) Good night (1062) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.

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  (615): Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob. http://tfl.nu/pm20
  Replies (17) Good night (1999) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.

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  (202): I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part. http://tfl.nu/p8tj
  Replies (2) Good night (428) Bad night (1048)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"

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  (651): these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck" http://tfl.nu/ykzg
  Replies (3) Good night (558) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?

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  (586): How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk? http://tfl.nu/j1yp
  Replies (2) Good night (1162) Bad night (231)

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