You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
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Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
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Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker