i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.