now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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