At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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