Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm always down for nudity.
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