As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize