i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
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Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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