u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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