Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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