1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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