Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
