dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
