Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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