I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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