How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
