Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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