i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
