Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
