M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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