I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
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Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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