when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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