Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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