I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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