Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
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Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She swung at the pinata with crutches
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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