i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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