If i come over, it means nothing
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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