You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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