There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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