we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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