Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Drake has all the answers