ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
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I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.