a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn