College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth