I want to walk on stilts...naked
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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