No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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