She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
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Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
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He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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