Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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