the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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