Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize