Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize