1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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