i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
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If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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