i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance