When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.