um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys