No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.