So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action