Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
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Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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