Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.