my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people