I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
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I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
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Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.