i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
