And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
