we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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